also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
