Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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