his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize