That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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