Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
