im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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