You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
