Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
