she woke up with a sticky ear
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
