sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
