Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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