did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
