DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
