You made me cry and you don't even care
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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