This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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