Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
