I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
