you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
