I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
