Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
