How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
