You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i think im in europe. pls send help
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
