Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My ATM looks so different sober.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
