it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
