you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
