Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
