Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
