he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
two words...techno handjob
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
