Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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