dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
