No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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