I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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