VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
