I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
