he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize