We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
