Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
