please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
