I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
