went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
this is an emotional support booty call
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize