But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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