So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
