you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
