I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
