I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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