y did u give ur computer a hand job?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
