there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
