his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
