At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
