We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
