Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
