Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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