I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
