I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
this beer tastes like vomit already
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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