apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
