member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
