Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
