I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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