I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
