Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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