I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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