the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
