tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
