I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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