Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
