I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
