We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
