You're a womanizer and a bitch.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
