just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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