Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Iโm good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so thereโs that.
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