I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
