My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have post one night stand depression
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