So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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