Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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