I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
