I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
