so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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