It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
