Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
