Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
