dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
