dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
