Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
