We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
