It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
