what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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