i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
