Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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