a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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