Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
