As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize