I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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