Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
