I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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