This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
